Just Call Him LouI discoverJust Call Him Lou by DerelictVampire
I’m standing over the toilet trying to pee.
I seem to have forgotten how.
I squeeze the muscles around my bladder mechanically,
like a man milking his first cow
without guidance or instruction.
“I’ve seen this in the movies,” he thinks,
and tries to apply that knowledge
with the same lack of finesse
as a teenage boy
the first time he’s got a handful of teat.
The next thing I know I’m falling.
My head bumps against the bathroom wall,
and the toilet rushes up to meet me.
“How do you do, toilet?
Pleased to make your acquaintance.”
“Likewise, good sir,
though I must admit,
you’ve caught me at a bad time.”
“Oh? What seems to be the trouble?”
“Not feeling up to scratch.
I think I’ve caught something.
Mine’s not the most hygienic life, you know.”
I nod sympathetically. “I can't imagine that it would be.”
He continues somewhat awkwardly,
This Isn't DyingI look out my window and whistle.This Isn't Dying by DerelictVampire
“Pretty bird, pretty bird!” My little yellow friend
is here again today, picking at the birdseed I’ve left outside.
This isn’t dying.
My cat watches intently; she’d eat him if she could.
But she’s too afraid to go out; she’s become a shut-in…like me.
This isn’t dying.
I take another blue pill, the only thing that’ll get rid
of the heebie jeebies and make me forget
that I might lose my income
if I don’t answer a questionnaire to their satisfaction.
I have to convince them to leave me alone.
Just let me be and give me money.
I won’t think about my expired driver’s license
and why I haven’t done the simple task
of driving into town to renew it.
This isn’t dying.
Old Beatles cartoons play on my computer screen.
The voices are so off it’s hilarious.
With all their resources,
why did they allow such schlocky commercialization
of their music, t
Dad Doesn't Have a Penis AnymoreDad doesn't have a penis anymore.Dad Doesn't Have a Penis Anymore by DerelictVampire
They changed him from a gigolo to a whore.
We buried his penis by the old oak tree.
Instead of standing up, he now sits down to pee.
Oh, life is strange when your dad's a tranny;
he's got two big breasts and a nice round fanny.
DidgeridooIntrepid moments play like fire against all our unscreamed becoming.Didgeridoo by DerelictVampire
She lies there in my lap, pulls my neck to her face
and kisses me on the cheek.
I don't question it.
I don't wonder at all the other opportunities that lay in wait.
Her kiss is sweet. Her smell like a flower.
In this moment, it's all I've ever wanted all I could possibly need.
Whatever it means tomorrow,
she pulled me to her.
I hear the far-off sounds of an ancient trumpet.
Not brassy but earthy
as if the world itself, in its primordial blossom,
was crying softly on the wind.
I want to be in that space.
I want to float on that breeze.
Small Furry CreaturesLet's face it,Small Furry Creatures by DerelictVampire
the only reason I'm carrying a half-eaten mouse to the garbage
is because I have a pair of balls between my legs.
They may not be much—not the grand, kingly balls
our fathers seemed to have—but they're enough apparently
to win me the job of vermin disposal.
I think I'm more of a feminist than any of the women I know.
I don't like small, dead furry creatures
any more than they.
But along with the cliché of opening jars and killing spiders,
somehow it's become my job.
I have arachnophobia. I once walked through a circle of bushes
teeming with webs, getting covered in giant, meaty spiders.
Despite this fact I'm expected to man up and get rid of them
because my feminist roommate is too squeamish.
We've had long conversations
about the inequality that still exists.
On average, men get paid more, they get better jobs,
they have more power socially, in business, and politically…
But you know, I would give it all up
IF THEY JUST KILLED THEIR OWN SPIDERS!
I will admit,
Special Feature #5.It's been a while since I did one of those feature things. In fact, it's been a while since I spent a lot of time on dA. I log in daily and check my messages, but haven't had much time to take a look at what's going on here. Plus, I am being a horrible watcher. I will try to get better once school is over. I promise. Anyways, take a look at the following pieces and their creators - art is the one of the few remaining good things in this world. Let's give it the love it deserves!Special Feature #5. by LadyOfSilver
P.S Sorry for the amount of Sherlock in the feature. Season 3 is out and I couldn't help myself. Please forgive me!